A satirical investigation of how high-status investors can move markets, profit from panic and rebound, and why proxy democracy offers counterpower.

The raccoon does not care which house feeds it. It appears in blue when blue controls the pantry. It appears in red when red controls the waste bin. It attends labor functions in purple. It speaks fluent nonprofit. It knows several legislators by first name. Its ideology is access. Its governing philosophy is that whoever requests the receipt is the real threat to institutional stability.

The donkey and elephant may spend all year accusing one another of sheltering raccoons.

The more important question is why both keep leaving the darn window open when it’s dark out.